What's the Best Advice You've Ever Received? I Decided to Tell a True Story

This interview question is common: "What's the best advice you've ever received?"

It sounds like a casual wrap-up, but it's actually an open window.

Some people pull out quotes from books, others repeat what elders said. Some smile genuinely and can't say, because there's too much advice, so much that they've almost forgotten it.

Yes, we live in an age of advice overload:

Some say, "Work hard, and good luck will come."

Others say, "Don't work too hard; work smart."

Still others tell us, "Work isn't everything in life."

Each sentence sounds reasonable. But together, they make us more confused.

So what counts as truly useful advice?

1. The most useful advice isn't what you should do, but how I thought at the time

We fall too easily into good-advice anxiety.

Do I have to say a wise-sounding quote to show I've thought? Do I have to use systems thinking or compound interest thinking to seem qualified?

But I later realized that the advice I truly remember has one thing in common:

It's not a "you should do this" sentence, but a complete experience + reflection + choice.

Like what Steve Huynh wrote:

My favorite advice is when someone tells me: "I once faced this problem too, and here's how I solved it. If you have a similar struggle, maybe this will help you."

It doesn't sound concise, and it doesn't feel like a methodology. But precisely because it's real, specific, and relatable, it truly makes me think.

So if you're asked this question, try telling a story:

Not what principle you heard, but where were you stuck at the time? Who was that person? What did they say? How were you awakened? And how did you apply that advice afterward?

Telling this thread clearly moves people more than a golden quote.

2. One of the best pieces of advice I've received: step out of either/or, there's a third choice

A few years ago, in an internal team discussion, I got into an argument with another architect.

We were discussing a caching mechanism for a high-concurrency scenario. He advocated completely clearing the cache, and I advocated combining preheating with degradation. Both sides could justify themselves, but neither could convince the other.

At that moment, my former manager suddenly interjected:

Maybe you're arguing between A and B, but is there a third option that neither of you has thought of but both could accept?

We were stunned.

Later, when we reviewed the situation, I was startled. I had already fallen into the either/or trap, hovering only between winning and yielding, ignoring the possibility of collaborative creation.

This is one of the pieces of advice I'm most grateful for to this day. It's not a sentence, but a way of thinking:

Many choices that seem difficult are not about picking a side, but through synergy, we can arrive at the 3rd alternative, "our way," a higher-perspective, better way to resolve conflicts.

It has helped me through countless conflicts, and it has made me pay more attention to whether there's a third choice in work and mentoring.

The third alternative comes from Stephen Covey's book—yes, the one who wrote The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I personally recommend this book.

A hand-drawn reading map of the central ideas in The 3rd Alternative

3. The effect of advice often depends on who says it and when

Truly useful advice arrives with warmth.

For example, I once heard a fresh graduate intern share this experience:

In my first week at the company, I was very anxious, afraid that others would think I was slow. One day I went to my mentor to ask about breaking down a requirement. He didn't answer directly, but handed me a sticky note that said: "You're not here to answer rapid-fire questions alone; you're here to learn to ask the right questions." I remember that day especially clearly—it was 4:30 in the afternoon, and his tone was very gentle, but I've remembered that sentence to this day.

You see, this isn't a grand principle, but a reminder that came exactly when someone was anxious.

The power of advice is sometimes not its content, but that it appeared when you needed it.

4. Sharing a few pieces of advice that helped me at different stages—maybe you'll find resonance

"Don't rush to prove yourself; first learn to ask good questions." When I first transitioned to management, a senior colleague said this, and it saved me many times when I wanted to achieve results but got stuck in details.

"Your current dissatisfaction will become what you want to do in the future." During a project retrospective, a supervisor helped me turn complaints into positioning.

"You think you're not doing enough, but actually you haven't learned to express yourself." My former manager reminded me of this in a 1:1, and it pushed me to learn structured expression.

"The boss you can learn the most from isn't necessarily the one most like you." A sister on the team told me that working with people of different styles is complementary, not draining.

5. Not all advice is worth listening to: three common bad pieces of advice to avoid

"Young people should endure more hardship": Sometimes what you're enduring isn't hardship, but inefficiency and misuse. Enduring hardship doesn't equal high growth. What matters is whether the hardship is worth it.

"If the boss tells you to do it, just do it; there are plenty of opportunities": It's likely that someone else has turned their boundary issues into your overtime. Obedience isn't a shortcut to growth; blind obedience makes you lose direction.

"Think it through before you speak": This is often an excuse for procrastination. Not all decisions need to be fully thought through; sometimes what's needed is to act first and iterate quickly.

Finally

"What's the best advice you've ever received?"

The meaning of this question may not lie in giving a sparkling answer, but in:

Have we seriously looked back at the turning points in our thinking that changed our actions and choices?

It may come from someone not at all impressive, in an unremarkable setting, and we may not have realized its importance at the time.

But it did help us live a little more clearly.

So next time you're asked this question, try telling a true little story instead of a great quote.

You'll find that the process of telling that story also lets you walk through your own growth path again.

What about you?

What's the best advice you've ever received, and who said it when?